So, I have got to the end of the month, and have realised I am days away from starting my period. With that realisation comes the knowledge that I haven’t checked my ovulation, planned sex, logged my suspected ovulation dates or logged when I have had sex, or been hoping for a positive pregnancy test. In fact, this is the first time in months, that I haven’t been desperate to take a pregnancy test. That’s is not to say that I haven’t thought ‘ummm, maybe I should just check… or ‘ummm, maybe I should initiate sex tonight, I could be fertile…’ Honestly, I have changed my focus though. Apart from a few random stray thoughts, I have been focused on gym, diet, travel plans, and making plans for Rock, Tyrant and I to spend some family time together.
I feel a little bit lighter this month, and not just because I have finally started to lose some weight, but the decision to just try accept where we are feels like it has given me some freedom again. I am not sure I will ever fully be able to accept that I am not going to have another child, but surely a part acceptance is ok?!? I mean, I have finally come to accept and believe, that if it is only ever just the three of us, then that is pretty damn good! That’s enough, right?!?