Now, KNOW!!!

Well, now, I know. I am not pregnant. I completely missed my period, had a positive pregnancy test, twice, but the day after my period should have ended, had it ever started, I started bleeding. I’m not even going to think the word or write it, I am not sure how I even feel. I am not upset, I am not surprised, I am not relieved, I am nothing. I purposely didn’t get excited, purposely kept my hopes down. 

The night it happened I was at Tyrants friends birthday party, cake, sugar high toddlers and a swimming pool – every toddlers dream, every parents exhaustion!! Right now I am in the gym writing this and listening to Taylor Swift’s aptly named ‘shake it off’. That’s what I am doing, I am shaking it off, and keeping my focus on fit, strong and able. 

Now, I know. I just don’t know how I feel about it. With knowledge comes realisation, but I know. It’s what I wanted, to know and I do, even if I refuse to acknowledge what is happening. Shake it off, keep focus, I now, know. 

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