What is balance? There’s got to be a balance in your life. Ok (!?!) balance of what? What am I meant to balance? Mummy duties, wife duties, personal duties/’you’ time, um… They are all the same, to me. There is no divide between what I do day to day and for whom I do it for. It all just needs to be done, and what doesn’t need doing sometimes gets done.
How much should each get? Is there a percentage of your day you are supposed to spend on each part? I would drive myself to distraction if I thought, hang on now is ‘you’ time, I don’t need to do that I have a toddler, a husband and a dog that do the frustration drive for me. Flipping through a magazine while doing the washing, answering inane why/how questions while simultaneously dressing the baby (soft dog toy), and cooking dinner counts as ‘you’ time, right!? My ‘you’ time is my one hour of gym work that I get 3/4 times a week, while Tyrant is at pre-school. My friend has ‘you’ time while she is working, I wonder if I said to my husband that his work was his ‘you’ time what his response would be, I would wager it wouldn’t be agreeable. Or is my ‘you’ time walking the dog with a butterfly mind toddler, the first of which feels the need to spend an inordinate amount of time sniffing to find the perfect spot to poo while we stand in direct sunlight (it is hot, hot, hot now in the Sandpit). Or is it ‘you’ time when I go and do the weekly shop? Which I admit I do try and do while Tyrant is at preschool (easier, there is nothing she won’t grab cheese, chocolate, crayons) and lug it all home on a packed out bus with shitty AC while wearing an abaya.
So what is ‘you’ time? My attitude is it is whatever it is that gives you pleasure, sex counts right?! That quick near silent fumble when your child is asleep, that’s ‘you’ time for both of you, a two for one, very efficient. Sleeping gives me great pleasure, I am always trying to sleep, sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn’t, when it does that must mean I have had some ‘you’ time.
I have let go of balance, for me it is about getting through the day, we start at 5.30am and if we all get through it without too much shouting, too many tears and too much TV then it was a success, especially if there is food in the fridge and cupboards, the washing is done, dog walked, and everybody has been washed (wet wipe wash counts), clothed (as long a some point we were dressed I don’t care if it ends with Tyrant running around naked) and fed. Added bonuses are me getting to the gym, going to the toilet and having a shower alone (ie no toddler, husband or dog coming in to ask questions or watch me), actually sitting down for a meal alone (ie breakfast or lunch because I have had time, dinner is always a family meal, which consists of me ‘encouraging’ tyrant to eat, try, use manners etc…).
So, if someone knows where or how I can find balance please let me know, because as far as I can see my day is about survival for all concerned. I just meander at full sprint through our day, and hope for the bonus points.