We are unity…

There are times when Rock just gets it. Cacia’s two year birth day has just been and gone, it lands on the 13 February, and I never want to do anything to commemorate either her birth day or celebrate Valentine’s Day; Valentine’s day: the day I left the hospital empty armed, broken hearted and without my baby girl, the day I left Cacia in the hospital alone and still is not a day I will probably ever want to celebrate again.

This year is bittersweet, knowing that I am going to have our third child, hopefully a screaming baby not a still baby, has meant an emotional pregnancy, but a hopeful one. This year has rebuilt the relationship between myself and Rock, for the first year, if not more, after Cacia’a stillbirth we were divided and conflicted with each other, we were not a couple brought closer together by a shared tragedy. Now I look back on the last two years, and see how our family has unified, we have made Cacia part of our family, she is weaved into the fabric of us, we are a family of five, two parents, one toddler, one missing space and one yet to be born. We are unity.

Yesterday, proved how far we have come, Rock; the most unromantic and unsentimental human in existence, who very rarely buys me gifts chosen or organised by himself, bought me a non-valentines gift chosen and arranged by himself. A gift with meaning, a gift where he has had to think about what would be meaningful and to and for me, one that would be in keeping with my feelings around this time of year. He gifted me with a beautiful piece of jewellery that symbolises unity, our unity, our family unity. A gift that means everything to me. Sometimes, Rock just gets it, and when he does, he gets it perfectly right. Two years after Cacia’s birth day, two years after her death, we miss her, we love her, we grieve her, we Iive with her missing space and finally, we are a family, we are unity, the five of us. 

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