Her name…

It takes time for a baby’s name to become theirs, I think by around 2 months old they take ownership of their chosen name and you can only see them as that name. At least that’s how it has been for Tyrant and Tiny Tyrant. It is only now, through experiencing it again with Tiny Tyrant, I have remembered this phenomenon. It is only now, I realise that despite Cacia not physically being present, the same occurred for her. It took a couple of months before the name I gave her became Her’s. 

I am so glad to have remembered and realised that this ownership of name phenomenon happened for Cacia. It feels positive, it feels powerful and important. So far my experiences with Tiny Tyrant are a duality of joy and grief. While buying his future clothes to grow into, I remember that I missed this for Cacia, while choosing his bedding for his cotbed, I feel the grief of not debating which set for Cacia (Tyrants old bedding or new). I am constantly reminded of all the things I have missed and never got to experience with Cacia, while feeling blessed to experience it again, at all, with Tiny Tyrant. 

Although I will never get to experience the joy of having her take total ownership of her name, I will never witness the first time I say her name and she responds to it. I have experienced one element of babyhood with Cacia, and that is the moment when the name I chose for her became Her’s, and that means everything to me. It feels powerful, important and positive.

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