The death of Cacia, brought into focus that Life is; short, and fleeting. This focus had fuzzed a bit in the time since Cacia's death, by Tiny Tyrant's birth refocused me. As a result I can experience a paralysing fear of losing another child while simultaneously feeling the need to grab Life and enjoy it, … Continue reading Brave or stupid???
...Although I will never get to experience the joy of having her take total ownership of her name, I will never witness the first time I say her name and she responds to it. I have experienced one element of babyhood with Cacia, and that is the moment when the name I chose for her became Her's, and that means everything to me. It feels powerful, important and positive.
I didn't even realise I was hoping for a 'cure' to my grief, until a few weeks after Tiny Tyrants birth and I realised that the depth of my loss for Cacia felt deeper than ever.
We did it. 'He' was born. 26 hrs after labour was first induced He arrived, in a glory of pain and tears, and He cried, the most important noise to hear in a delivery room. One week on, I have heard Him cry, held Him to my breast, slept with Him on my chest, held … Continue reading 1 week…
Tomorrow's the Day. We finally made it to 37 weeks, we are now classed as full term. Delivery is tomorrow, induction, which will hopefully end well. People keep asking 'how are you feeling?' 'Are you feeling excited?'. Honestly, I am overwhelmed with too many emotions to identify how I feel. I feel sad, upset, scared, … Continue reading Term…
I will never rest in peace, my grief for Cacia is still not at peace, maybe it never will be, She will forever be my missing space, a void that cannot be filled.
I am accepting that it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do but my best to accept, survive and hope.